Million Billion Trillion

this weekend, ive taken off studying or anything uni related (busy family weekend and having a really stressed cloudy state of mind) and ive done loads of things instead, mostly runnning, riding and some swimming too; im trying to clear my head, its so thick and this weather doesnt seem to help, desert hot, perfect for this type of languishing(; then this morning in church, clarity and peace of mind...almost energy. I havent gone to church in such a long time (well documented issues with 'christianity' i suppose, not sure of what to call it) but more recently this was also things like not reading my bible either, praying but just coldly. I really liked this passage he read from Deuteronomy 8. Remeber how the Lord God LED you in the wilderness, to HUMBLE thee, and to PROVE thee, to know that thou would KEEP his commandments,or no.
and he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger and fed thee with manna, that thou might know that MAN SHOULD NOT LIVE BY BREAD ONLY, BUT BY EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDETH OUT OF THE MOUTH OF THE LORD DOTH MAN LIVE.

It speaks about God's hand in our life, and it seems like basic christian stuff; humility, obedience, faithfulness, relationship, repentance...and remembering God in your blessings

and leads me on to think of Philipian 1:6, He that hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ...(roughly quoted, i didnt check it)

This is what i mean about square 1. im always here, pottering around being stressed and walking in zig zigs, then enduring a humbleing episode without actually being humbled, if ever there was a person who would blindly allow themselves to walk in circles for 40 years, it just might be me. i guess thats what i found hopeful about today. Uni atm is all job applications and interveiwing etc and i am really beginning to FREAK as ususal, what am i doing here? do i really want to be a nurse? where do i want to go when school is finally out? india? canada? us? uk? stay in aus and go outback? indian ocean territories? there really is no limitations and thats what is driving me insane! what do i want?....what should i be doing next? and where? I felt such relief from striving just from remembering these things about how God rules my life. and this other thing about the responsibilities of nursing and having patient loads and working for a business profit driven organisation. ive not really struggled at all with the academics or learning, but i have in situations where patients are dying and/or in distress and the weight of it has potential to overcome. and again, some peace about this and the true mission, which is the above, and to tell others about the love of Christ. I feel more confident.
And i was thinking, i take meticulous care of my body, controlling vitamins and nutrients,organic, chemical free! fitness, condition etc.....but i must be really starving my spirit and Im going to make that my priority again. I have always wanted just to be told this is your job, this is where you are going to be and what you will do....and facing so many possibilities seems like a burden, but I hope God will point somthing out soon, and hope its written in a beam of light because im pretty good at missing obvious, important, major road sign postage....back to the desert. i remembered then the spies who came back with different reports and how most of me is about all the dragons i see and a struggleing small part is about the milk and honey.

you know its sad, i had to be reminded this morning that Jesus is coming back. and i was so glad to hear it and then sad that i hadnt thought it in ages. and that verse, about God beginning a work in you that WILL be performed..is not really about getting all of my questions answered out, but about getting to this/these point/s and living it daily for the rest of my days. Nothing else is more important.

Im going running now, trying to get to half marathon fitness by may (big shout to ANNE who is doing her Bangladesh marathon training, im with you, well 1/2 with you! then i will, hopefully, event in august. Tonight chuch is a mission in India and im going to be torn and want to pack and go immediately, just waiting for the go ahead from You(0:

Life is Good. can't you see?